Vision for life

One of the most surprising things that has happened since I started writing my blog (tolovewhatis.blogspot.com.es, which is where I am re-posting this story from), is that the more I become open to the idea of being present and mindful with the most challenging moments of my day, the more amazing experiences seem to resurface precisely from those areas of my life that I find most difficult to accept and enjoy.

Eyesight is one of such areas in my life and I had a very powerful example of transforming this challenge into something beautiful at my last natural vision improvement class. We had a guided meditation exercise which involved us physically walking forwards and backwards on a line drawn on the floor which represented our life. The goal was to move between the future (the moment when clear vision is achieved) and the past (the moment when we consciously or not made the decision not to see the world around us clearly), and meet with our future and past selves to gain insights for clear vision and release blocks holding us back against it. All of this was done with a support of a guide that helped each one of us along the way by being a present witnesses of this process.

This is what the moment of when I see with total clarity looked like.
   My future version is so happy, free and smiley. I have a healthy body, great posture without any tension, straight back and clear vision. I hold my head in a relaxed but well-aligned way. I receive compliments about how healthy and sparkly my eyes appear. I have even more confidence in the magical powers of my body. Yoga continues to be among my daily routines and rituals. My movements are flowing. I am so content with everything that I have been able to learn through the process, and it is wonderful to be able to share this story with others to inspire them to improve their vision. I feel even more open to what is possible because I have arrived at something that many say is impossible to achieve. My family and close friends are proud of the changes they see in me. I am also proud of what I have achieved. I spend less time working in front of the computer and I am doing something that I absolutely adore. My work is very creative and engages my mind and my hands. I continue to enjoy writing. I smile a lot and I see the world with curiosity. I can see faces clearly and I am surrounded by people that I enjoy my time with. I am open to strangers approaching me as I no longer have the fear of misunderstanding their expressions. I am open, attentive and connected to everyone that I engage with. There is a lot of warm physical contact. I am one of those people that I myself love to meet who make you happy the instant you get to know them. It seems like I have always been that way, but my own insecurities did not let me see it. There is an ease and comfort in how I relate to the world and that feels great. Even simple daily tasks like cooking or reading are more enjoyable. I feel more present and connected with all that surrounds me. Moments of introspection and introversion are there for me to enjoy when I choose them but there is no need to hide in them from perceived insecurity, noise or nuisance of the world. It is easy for me to make decisions. It is also easy to talk to others about the self-imposed limits that we set ourselves, because I have positive personal experiences of changing that. I still live in Spain and continue enjoying the abundance of sunshine. I am wearing light feminine summer clothes and I feel the wind gently combing through my long hair. 

During the meditative journey to the past, here is what I saw when I returned to the moment of when the clarity of my vision was disrupted.
   I am six and I am sitting on my parents' bed in their bedroom. There is an electronic clock with bright blue-green numbers in front of me (this clock was made by my father who is an engineer). The room is full of bookshelves stuffed with books. I am alone at home and will need to leave for school in 20 minutes. I am reading. I have been able to read since I was 3.5 and I already hold a library membership card. I can read really really well and I would love to be able to spend the day doing that. I am spending the remaining minutes before school competing with myself - how fast I can finish a page or a line.  I am aware that the numbers on the bright clock in front of me a not perfectly clear. Not as clear as the pages that I am reading. I do not want to go to school as I would prefer to stay at home and keep reading. I find the desk uncomfortable at school and the teacher is constantly nagging me about my posture. She says girls should keep their legs together rather than sticking one out of the desk like I do. I do not see the blackboard very well. I am not sure that I want to. I find the learning process boring and stiff. Even our break time is timed and controlled. I also feel like I need to prove something to someone. Maybe to the teacher, so that she would stop commenting about how I sit. I can impress others with how well I read. I adore handwriting and find my eyes glued to the point where the nib touches the paper. I am aware it feels like a present moment because there are letters that have already happened and blank lines is where the future text will appear. I like tasks that involve looking nearby and that I can do at my own pace. I do not like doing things I do not want to do and that happens a lot at school. 

The next step of the guided meditation process was to examine whether in that moment when the vision was disrupted we truly had a choice about our circumstances, and whether there was really anything else that we could have done instead. The key point was to be open to the possibility that everything happened the way it had to happen and that nobody is to blame for it. It's beautiful to see it this way. I do not know now whether in a different country at a different time with an alternative schooling option I would have had the same experiences. Probably not. I probably would have thrived as an eager learner and would have engaged with learning in a joyful and more relaxed way. But in this particular timeline it did not happen. My parents made the best decision they could make. And I made the best decision I could make - to keep myself safe and cocooned in a world that is less edgy and less strictly defined.

The key puzzle piece in all of this is accepting that perhaps the past versions of ourselves did not have the same wisdom, resources and understanding that we have now, in the present moment. So even if I would not necessarily make the same - conscious or unconscious - decision now, as a child, I did not have the same insights that I have now. During the guided meditation we were asked to think about what these resources were for us and return to those situations in our lives where they were gained. For me, the key three strengths that I now have as an adult are 1) greater awareness that everything is well in each moment when we are fully present; 2) realization that inner peace about who I am releases outer pressures and tensions (when I feel peaceful the world is peaceful around me); 3) the knowing that through my thoughts and reactions I create my own version of reality.

The most powerful part of the meditation for me before returning to the present moment was going back to face the past version of myself and imagining giving myself as a gift those key strengths or resources that I now have. This meditative moment of my adult self meeting my inner child self will stay with me as one of the most magical experiences I have ever had. Seen from the eyes of an adult - here I am this tiny little 6 year old girl - so absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. I am amazed at my own drive, eagerness to learn and desire to succeed at such a young age. I am absolutely overwhelmed with love and affection. I stoop down to her eye level and give her the biggest hug. The possibility to see my adult self through the eyes of my 6-year-old self was equally incredible. Here I am, so grown up and so perfect, the way nice aunties appear on their wedding day. I stare at myself with utter admiration and some shyness because I really want to be comforted and held by this woman. And then she hugs me. In all the versions of myself (including the one doing the exercise) I had tears streaming down my face.

As the two versions of ourselves converged and the meditation came to the close, I was left with a feeling of huge release and of knowing that both the past and the future can change and do change when we place our awareness and attention on where they merge - the present - or the point of where the nib touches the paper and where the story is still taking shape. Or as my beloved author Terry Pratchett puts it:

“(...) the universe is, instant by instant, re-created anew. Therefore (...) there is, in truth, no Past, only a memory of the Past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore (...) the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.” ― Terry Pratchett

Psychology of shortsightedness

Today was a really good day. It started with me having to wake up early to go to the natural vision class. Since our previous get-together which featured the subject of movement, I feel like something has shifted. It's not even so much that I do much more in terms of any particular "exercises" but rather about seeing my vision in a different light. I noticed this morning how much more aware I am of the constant apparent movement of the world around me as I walk, for example. Or that I seem to notice colours more vividly - my eyes seem to be constantly searching for objects of different colours. Also, it just feels like it's easier to connect with my vision, that I don't just switch off and return to my thoughts when I am outside, but rather engage with the world around me in a more curious way. My favourite feeling is, however, that somehow my eyes seem to 'grasp' less, in other words, I seem to allow more for things to arrive to be seen rather than make the effort to constantly see. It makes the process of seeing more relaxing and enjoyable.

Talking to fellow students was also really nice today. I got a compliment from one of them that my eyes seemed alive and with lots of movement, something which is not typical for those with shortsightedness. Their eyes usually tend to be slow and the vision rather fixed. Among other good news was that one of our students who has quite an advanced case of shortsightedness has checked her eyesight recently and found out that both of her eyes had improved by over a dioptre! That's a huge achievement and very inspiring for us as a group.

After such a nice start to the day, things could only get better. We dived into the fascinating subject of the psychology of vision. Naturally, the most interesting part for me was the psychology of shortsightedness, most of which really resonated with me. In case of interest to anyone else, below is the summary of some of the most fascinating points from our class today:

• Interestingly, shortsightedness is a relatively recent phenomenon. It begins to be talked about in 1600s mostly among the noble families, as it is often related to lack of free body movement and detailed work at short distances. The problem begins to become more common with the development of the current education system and kids having to be stiff to absorb new information in enclosed spaces. The last 150 years, and especially, the last two decades have been incredibly intense visually. If in 1910 during the lifetime of Dr. Bates in the U.S. 4-5% of the population had a problem with shortsightedness, now this figure is over 40%. In some countries, like South Korea or Taiwan, this statistic is closer to 80%.
• There is a hypothesis suggesting that propensity for visual problems develops during the first 2 months of a baby's life. This is particularly relevant to the topic of breastfeeding as it is a moment of profound connection for the mother and the baby and an intense exchange of visual and other sensory information between the two. The change from one breast to another encourages the development of each eye separately, and their coordinated work together. Should this relationship be interrupted or not be possible, there is a tendency for the baby to close off from the world around her and perceive the world as less safe.
• Similarly, it is suggested that moms who wear glasses should remove them during breastfeeding as they introduce a barrier of this amazing information exchange and feedback of subtle facial and eye clues expressing various emotions. Apparently, even adults tend to read the emotions on the faces of people with glasses somewhat less well than without glasses. After all, we remove glasses during other moments of intimacy. 
• Shortsighted people have the tendency to close themselves off internally, to pull inwards, even to feel paralysed (like in a stressful situation of being interrogated by an angry teacher). This can be apparent in situations where a myope (a shortsighted person) is forced to make a decision quickly. A typical response is often a "freeze" and a need to think through before acting. 
• Especially during childhood, myopes tend to be quite timid and shy. They tend to look for peace and tranquility as the world appears to be too noisy, too rough or even dangerous. 
• It is quite difficult for myopes to really really relax.
• They tend to comply with school at the end, as they accept that escape is not possible. 
• They often feel that the world is demanding from them things they do not want to do. 
• They tend to have difficulty in making decisions.
• In relationships, myopes have a tendency to be slow but steady and seek depth. 
• Shortsightedness is related to the sentiment of not being good enough, not being able to do something perfectly, often times the myopes might push themselves to perfection or feel pushed by authority figures to perform better. They also often devalue their achievements. 
• Getting used to glasses can be easy because the glasses introduce a barrier between them and the world, including making everything seem a little further and a little smaller. Unfortunately, glasses also allow the possibility to see things they don't want to see. Without glasses, it is easy for them to feel vulnerable and without control of what is around them.
• Myopic lens allow the perception that it is possible to see everything equally well at the same time, when, in fact, a healthy human eye works with the principle of centralization - or constant shifting of attention to receive more information and clarity from the point on which it is focused. Therefore, myopic glasses contribute to further formation of a negative visual habit of diffusing and fixating the vision.

I think this is fascinating and I found that a lot of these tendencies were true for me. Tomorrow we continue with an psychological exercise of looking into our life timeline, visiting points critical to vision, and meeting our inner child. I will share if something interesting comes up!