Moving on

Over the last few weeks, I didn't feel like I was making a lot of progress with my vision in any way, and various factors played a role in this. We had a longer break between the natural vision improvement classes that I am doing with the group, and I really missed the inspiring energy and motivation that I always get from them. Winter has also meant that even here, in Spain, there has been less sunshine, and with cold weather I spent more time indoors. Work has been very busy and has kept me glued to the laptop screen, rarely remembering to take breaks or relax. I kept struggling to find the balance between using my contacts and glasses when I need them (like while using computer) and wearing only pinhole glasses (which seemed to create relaxation in the eyes but tension in my neck and back as my posture was not exactly ideal). 

Nonetheless, despite a few unproductive weeks vision-wise, I feel newly inspired and back on track. There was a number of really interesting discoveries that I have made about my vision during this time. For the first time ever, an old memory returned of me being very young and enjoying my vision. I recall the world as it appeared to me through the window of a moving bus during one of the journeys with my mom. It felt safe and simple because I had my mom with me, and so exciting and fascinating at the same time. I remember feeling mesmerized with objects passing by the bus at different speeds and marveling at how things far away seemed to hardly move and yet those nearby would pass by in a flash. The world looked so full of movement and so alive in ways that it continues to be, but not always as observed by me. It is a very beautiful and important memory for me, because I think we can use strong feelings imprinted in past experiences to relive and recreate them in the present moment. Interestingly enough, this memory came back just before the last weekend's class during which we solely focused on movement, but a little later about that.

Speaking of past memories being imprinted in us, I had another interesting experience during a private session with one of my professors. In terms of techniques and practices, it was a good session to repeat what I was mostly familiar with. A particular approach that really struck chord with me was perhaps for the first time ever consciously connecting my emotions about observing an object and locating them as physical sensations within my body. A good example of that was sitting down in front of an eye chart which for many people with history of visual challenges represents all horrors and discomfort combined in one piece of paper. Consciously or not, it brings back memories of countless eye tests and appointments which ranged from uncomfortable to humiliating. It makes one feel helpless, never good enough, and yet unable to understand that this is perhaps one of the few areas in life where trying harder only makes things worse (i.e. trying to see 'more' or 'better' only creates more tension in the eyes which results in poorer vision). 

So here I was in front of an eye chart, and my professor asked me to observe how I felt - emotionally, which for me ranged somewhere between discomfort and mild fear even though I fully realized that the chart was not in any way dangerous; as well as physically, which manifested as a ball of tension around my diaphragm and as weight on my shoulders. I think that one of the most wonderful approaches to pretty much everything in life is curiosity, so instead of seeing something as a problem, the idea is to get curious about it and to ask questions. This worked so beautifully during that practice - just observing curiously the different emotions and sensations within my mind and body as I was looking at the eye chart - how did it all change, for example, when I focused on my breath, or sounds in the room, or temperature of my body, or when I sat more comfortably, or closed my eyes, or when I put my hand on my belly. It was fascinating that it did change, and the more I relaxed my mind into this non-judgmental curiosity, the more my body relaxed into comfort and, in turn, the clearer the eye chart appeared to be. I really really enjoyed making this connection, and it will be something that I will experiment and check in with more often.

Finally, the class last weekend was great. I am really enjoying connecting with and getting to know the group that I have embarked on this journey with. We still have 6 months to go, and it's been wonderful to hear about people already making progress and discoveries about their vision. For all of us a great inspiration comes from last year's students who can join the classes if they feel like they need to refresh their memory about a particular topic. It is so wonderful to hear from them about how much their visual habits changed during the course, and how many of them have stopped needing glasses in their daily lives. 

As I mentioned above, the topic of the weekend was movement - with the key focus on apparent or perceived movement, which is very related to my memory of being little and seeing static objects move in relation to each other while passing them by. Our eyes, when they are healthy, can do this even with the tiniest of things, like a letter symbol while reading - constantly vibrating and swinging while following something of interest. Without interest there is no movement, and without movement there is no vision. Unfortunately, the opposite is true, eyes with poor vision often lack movement, and, in turn, the person might feel disconnected from or disinterested in the world around, resigning to 'it's all blurry anyway and there is nothing to see'. Therefore, one of the key first steps in improved vision is, once again, becoming curious, even if it is about a shadow or blurry spot or particular colour in the distance. Curiosity and interest guide the eyes and the head to follow the object with movement and create a reason for the brain to focus better. 

We spent the entire weekend trying out various practices and techniques that encourage the eyes to move and observe movement while remaining as relaxed as possible. This was exactly what I needed and yet at the same time it felt like one of the most tiring weekends ever, simply because this is not a natural habit for my eyes. I managed to feel more relaxed in some of the practices, including finally feeling like I got what long swing technique is all about (despite practicing it with very little interest for a few months). After two days, I could really notice the difference in my eyesight - just walking along the street I was amazed at how vivid the colours appeared and how much movement was around me. How fascinating and beautiful the world must appear to people with good vision! As it works the other way around too, perhaps a good starting place for me is returning more often to and cultivate again the childhood fascination with the world around me.